Saturday, May 31, 2014

My Thoughts on TXW Closing Rumors- & A New Bag of Awesome

First the fun stuff-
Yo, my kids have a television network... it's called The Bag of Awesome. Here's a recent news broadcast for you people hip on investigative journalism!

Now the crap stuff-
Ever since Tony Anthony aka "The Dirty White Boy" has taken over the books in TXW, TXW has had at least 3 or 4 rumors that it was closing up shop over the two years he has been there. This month- it looks like these rumors may be true. TXW went from being the top show in the area to something people barely talk about in any circle... and if it is talked about it is preceded by eye rolls or groans. Here's my thoughts on its slow crash and burn.

In 2011, someone close to both sides told me that Terry Landell was sending someone over to TXW wrestling to take over the books and to run the show into the ground. This was 6 months before it happened. At the time, I was not apart of TXW- but Billy Marshall was the beloved TXW booker and was synonymous with that group and I thought the person that told me that was crazy. Fast forward 2 and a half years, and TXW is having their last show on June 6th and the TXW booker that replaced Billy is back on Terry Landell's next show after the last TXW one. Looks like I owe that guy who told me the story an apology. TXW, at one point when I was apart of the show, was the most creative- story driven- and consistent show in the area- drawing anywheres between 150-500 people. It was fun, it was unique, it was not perfect but we did a good job drawing and entertaining. We were always giving to each other- and that has been different from anywhere else I have ever worked. We packed out Rec Centers so much we used to have to switch buildings to bigger venues. No disrespect to the boys that work TXW now.... Bobby Blassie, Octavious, Ricky, Spoony and Eddie are all stellar guys... but the heart and soul of TXW was ripped out a long time ago... I remember the first night Tony Anthony was apart of the TXW, he said "This is called the worst show in the area, and we are going to change all of that." I'm sorry DWB- but F*ck You. Have you ever seen a Terry Landell show~ the one you are allegedly going back to? He was a bad match with TXW from the beginning. Billy Marshall, Bob O Mac, Demetria, Maskerade, Dwayne Windham, Jerry Lee, Shane Daniels, Donovan Daniels, Allen Shepard, Nick Taylor, Beth O Funk, Violet and Jason, Chris Cameron, Barry Allen, Ruff Cut, Bobby Blassie, Menace, Shawn Shultz, Travis Sawyer, Rip, Funkmaster V plus others I'm forgetting... and all of the back stage help... James Malenko, Mac MacMurray, Jay Perkey, the Tiptons, etc... this is what TXW was all about in my mind... and not what it has been for the last two years. I for one am glad it's coming to an end. It has been like watching a teenage daughter turn into a porn star and gets on the radio bragging about how many men she is banging and how many VDs she has. I have learned a lot in wrestling since then. Pro Wrestling is not about family, it's about money marks and taking all you can before your opportunities dry up. TXW was awesome in the fact that for the early part of my career, I was dumb enough to think the sport was better than it was and it provided me with amazing memories, packed houses, and friendships that will last a lifetime.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Our City Go Go's Piece on FMV

Today was alot of fun, hanging out with Craig Brown of Southern Bail and Gena from Station House Photography! They made me look like a natural woman. Also, these tricks over at Knoxville Our City Go Go did this article thing on my crazy azz....

Funkmaster V Outsmarts Larger Predators

Funkmaster V may not be as popular as he once was in the wrestling ring, but you cannot ignore the fact that he is resorting back to his street smart ways to overcome "larger predators" with success... whether the fans like it or not. Watch this rematch with Brad Cash, previously where Brad Cash won with a clothesline over the top rope, and how Funkmaster V shifts the advantage to his favor in this "Extreme Rules Match".

Saturday, May 10, 2014

"Bad Christian Movies Are Not Dead"

From the desk of the Mothership-

Last night I pissed off Austin Knight fans by defeating him with the FUNK. Ten minutes ago, I just pissed my wife off. So I guess it's fair for me to piss everyone else off right now. 

I have problems with most "Christian" everything in our society- and I realize that's my problem... but, churches, music, Republicans, T-shirts, yada... yada. So, not surprisingly, the title of the movie "God is Not Dead" rubbed me the wrong way from the get go. Like... insult my intelligence kind of bad. If that movie meant something to you- wonderful... stop reading the rest of this post-PLEASE... Im in a mood to preach and you will not like me anymore if you keep reading. 

Something about the tone of this movie feels like Christians are getting into a NA NA NA NA BOO BOO fight with everyone else. Christians know that God is not dead... it's a dumb idea to begin with- he either was or wasn't.... he didn't die of a stroke or choked on a chicken bone. Also, society's need or lack of need for him doesn't pertain to whether he exists or doesn't exist. 

SURPRISE! Atheists are not going to be swayed by a Christian propaganda movie, especially one this stupid. Here's the thing about Atheists and Agnostics... most of them are REALLY smart. Instead of being something useful, this movie seems like its another US vs. THEM type thing. Let's stick our chest out and get three sheets to the wind crazy with Glenn Beck kinda thing. Politics, religion, racism, classism, stupidity... so many devices to divide already exist. As Christians were are supposed to be the salve of the world, not a battle axe. 

I hear people all the time say stupid shit like "WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SEPARATE FROM THE WORLD- YOU ARE ACTING LIKE THE WORLD!!!!" and they usually use that adage when a fellow Christian friend gets a tattoo, gets her hair to look like Snookie's or buys a Lil' Wayne CD. What I think this means is that we are supposed to act like everything is going to be alright (which it is), and we need to try to help everyone on the planet who doesn't feel this way. Let's educate ourselves...heal the world... embrace Hebrews 6:1-3 and realize that if you have a relationship with Christ that you are not limited in your spiritual learning and through him- you can move mountains.... but first you have to free your mind... Holy crap... freedom in Christ is terrific. Unchain yourself and see how great life can be and how powerful your life can be if you let God flow through you. 

Let's be examples to the world... not whiny little jerk faces. "You mean professor! God is Not DEAD!" - smh We all have had friends that lost their faith because they took Philosophy 101 and they were like... wait a minute, a billion Indians believe hamburgers are sacred animals.... I guess Jesus was just a really cool hippie then..." First time dealing with college elitists? I want to kick the guy behind this movie in the crotch and say- "My toe kick to your crotch is not dead! Do You agree?"

Funkmaster V

(The opinions of Funkmaster V and his employes do not necessarily reflect the opinions or beliefs of the FUNK)

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Wrestling Dates this Weekend and Insomniac Wrestling Theater!

Well puke- I have to wrestle again this weekend to entertain the Funk Nation and the rest of the braindeadz.

***ETCW (Friday)- vs. Austin Knight at the Green Market of Flea Acres 7:30PM (Alcoa, TN)

***ERA (Sat.) vs. Question Marks at the Petros Joiner School 6PM (Petros/ Wartburg)

EAT IT!!!!

Cadillac Cowboy vs. Funkmaster V
Once again it is up to me to defend the funk against a country bumpkin nemesis. See how the Funk can not only move, but it can remove........... YA DIG?????????

Friday, May 2, 2014

Wheeze tha 97.5 FM's "Small Business of the Week"

From the 97.5FM Website:
Just wanted to say, "Congratulations" to Funkmaster V's Uptown Cabs of Renown, our small business of the week! Find the link on Facebook below. If you have a small business, we're happy to help you build it! Sign up online at
B 9 7 5 dot com to be our SMALL BUSINESS OF THE WEEK!
Fast. Clean. Funky.
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