Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Reading Rainbow

Reading Rainbow

Sept 15th 2010
TXW and United Way have been involved in raising awareness to all of the peeps out there that have children in school that education expectations are getting tougher in Tennessee. United Way is heading the charge, and here is a little video featuring your favorite Funk-Man that explains this mission so that your kids won't be left behind and someday spit in my food at the drive thru.

Monday, July 19, 2010

New Beginnings

New Beginnings

July 19th 2010
Well, this whole "Everybody Liking Me and Smiling When they See Me Thing" is hard to get used too. On July 3rd, I was walking back to the locker room in front of 500 fans, escorting Bob O Mac, who just defeated my old partner Dwayne Windham for the TXW Youtube TV Title, and children were hugging me and hot women were taking pictures of me and Bob.... and I was thinking, "This is what it was like in a parallel universe." I'm not sure how it happened, but I can thank Detroit Funk City, oh sorry... they changed it to: The Creatures of the Night (geez- how lame can you get)... for their contribution to my new found popularity. Heck, even today I'm shooting a commercial for United Way about education awareness! Do you mean to tell me that not using a chain was all it took for all of this positive reinforcement?

In all seriousness, I am sorry to all of the fans for what I have done in the past. Breaking the rules, taking the easy way out and screwing over people that trained hard is just desperate things people do to stay on top... and in the end, no one respects you for it. So... no more weapons, no more double and triple teams... from now on, its Funkmaster V the wrestler you will see... and if I'm not going to be good enough to not cheat and win, then I guess I will lose. Which heck! Seems like that's what I'm good at doing now. I need your help if I'm going to reverse this losing streak!!!

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Annabel Lee

Annabel Lee

May 25th 2010
Not much to say right now, besides I am pretty numb. I didn't realize that the girl I was using to annoy Bob O Mac with would actually affect me this badly. Beth just won me over - I can't shake this feeling of loss. My wife thinks I'm crazy, but I just scream at her until she goes to her bedroom and starts drinking heavily. Lately I have been showing up at matches with the only two things that make me feel OK... my flannel robe and a picture of Baby Beth.. that I stole from her house.

Beisdes almost killing Maskerade in the most violent match that has ever taken place, winning the EGO-PRO Tag Team Championships in their 8 team tournament, my on-air TV feud with Dave Jones, and getting ready for my Main Event cage match with Bob O Mac.... nothing much is happening.......... Ho-Hum.................

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

2010's Reasonable Goals

Funk You Can Believe in

April 7th 2010
It's been awhile since I have updated the website, and it looks like the Gathering has hacked it and deleted my last update. No matter. 2010 will be my year, I have lots of goals... but I want to recap for the slow-witted Funk Nation fans. Since my last post Detroit Funk City has become a massive force in TXW: Shane Daniels has had back to back main events, Dwayne cleverly won the TXW Youtube TV Title, and me and the Demon continue to rock your dumb faces. Currently, we are all ranked in the TXW top ten according to Inside Wrestling Magazine. Beth is 2-0 as a wrestler, to boot! Lot's have happened in the last few months, that's for sure: the discovery of the Yellow Blood Mist, Beth's deepening true feelings for me, the TV show-TXW Main Event continues to rule, Detroit Funk City being accused of the disappearance of Chris Cameron, we successfully split up the Bob Squad, and the Gathering has been humilated repeatedly by our hands. Pretty good stuff. Here's my goals in 2010:

1) Start a rock-funk band with the Demon. Lots of pretty girls (dont tell Beth), cash, and the right to demand things at concerts like 698 red M&M's in a bowl. Then you have the right to lose your crap when they get it wrong.

2) Eliminate the smelly, weird, ugly Gathering from TXW. We need to hurry... just when they are on the ropes, Trojanman shows back up. Too many gross people! Ick!!!

3) Win the Ego-Pro Heavyweight Title. I'm in the Ego-Pro 16 man tournament this Saturday. Here comes the Funk Train!

4) Get my own show on NBC. I can't wait till I have a meltdown off air that gets passed around on Youtube where trolls can call me "loose cannon" and "abusive" and "probably even hotter in person!!!"

5) Marry Beth and start having Funk-Spirit babies so they can win American Idol one day. I dunno how I'll get this done with my wife's constant nay-saying.... "Your responsibilty is to us!" "You need to play with your children!" "Take your meds! It's been 6 days!"... BLAH BLAH BLAH - Women, right?

6) TXW Heavyweight Championship. I just gotta wait until Travis isn't the champ... I think my body is allergic to fighting him.

7) Start my own brand of Salsa. Paul Newman did this. He sent the proceeds to charity. My proceeds will go to paying my back child support payments...

8) Beat AJ Gann just one time...