Sunday, July 1, 2012

Five Years in, Top Ten Moments

Top Ten Wrestling Moments
Caught on Tape

On What Happened this Weekend...
I'm posting my favorite ten wrestling moments in a moment, but first I need to address what is happening in my career. If you have been on my facebook account, you have heard that the Mothership is calling me home after ten years of service of promoting Funk Music through music and professional wrestling. I was scheduled to have a goodbye match with Bob O Mac on June 30th at EGO-PRO, but he decided to screw the fans and no-show like the coward he has turned into. I liked beating his manager Warren Peace like a drum, but I'm not leaving East Tennessee beating a binge-drinking 25 pound manager who chain smokes. Mac MacMurray and Barry Allen have decided to force Bob to face me on July 14th, which really will be my last match, in Delano TN. East Tennessee Youtube TV Title vs. EGO-PRO Mid-South TV Title.
EGO PRO HYPE VIDEO: Funkmaster V vs. Bob O Mac
Title for Title- The Rivalry Ends

On What Didn't Make the Top Ten List
For the fans that enjoy what I do and to my wrestling buddies and enemies that have helped shape my East Tennessee wrestling career, I'm listing my Top Ten Wrestling Moments caught on tape. Many great moments are not on video... which sucks. Detroit Funk City's best tag match was probably against the Shenanigans at TXW at Christmas Chaos, but the footage was destroyed. Also, Detroit Funk City vs. Street Dreams at SAW during the SAW - TXW war was incredible, the 300+ crowd was split 50/50, and it felt like someone was going to die that night- BUT I dont have the footage for that. In 2010, I won the fan voted match of the year at TXW: Detroit Funk City vs. The Gathering in the Four Corners of Death (the Maskerade on fire match). That was incredible but too long for Youtube. Additionally, I got the fan voted runner up match of the year in 2010 with my cage match with Bob O Mac, which at the time, was too long for Youtube as well. Then there was the Detroit Funk City's EGO PRO Tag team tournament march, me vs. Bob O Mac at Pro Wrestling All-Stars, me winning the Nitro Wrestling Title victory vs. Tony Blaine and 3 McCains, and tons more that couldn't make the list due to the fact that they aren't on Youtube.
#10- Funkmaster V vs. Dirty Harry Sanchez
I like wrestling because I like kicking people's butts. And I REALLY love kicking skinny people's butts. Here is a video where I maim a kids legs with the figure four leg lock and almost heal a man with a broken neck: The duality of man... am I right?

#9- The Yellow Blood Mist Incident
Back when I didn't care to bend the rules, I would try anything to win. Detroit Funk City was chasing the TXW tag belts when I stumbled onto a strange book at the library. The rest, they say... is history.

#8- The Trial
I've retired more than Terry Funk. But my last return was the most interesting because the Mothership employes children as lawyers and judges, and the day before Christmas they summoned me to court to force me back into the business again. I hate court, but these Funk babies are cute...

#7- Funkmaster V w/ Sassy Frass vs. Conner Cruze w/ Daddy Mack at War Games- TXW Youtube TV Tite Match
Big crowd, big win, and Sassy Frass makes a big impact in the sport of wrestling.

#6- Are You Smarter than a Second Grader???
A big part of why people know Funkmaster V in this area is because of the years that I hosted TXW Main Event TV. Call in television is probably the worst television in history- but at least here I'm with my adorable daughter and she's kicking everyone's rear ends in general knowledge trivia.

#5- KAPOW'S Fan Opportunity of a Lifetime
In 2012, I was selected as Liaison of Funk at KAPOW. This means I ran the show, and I thought it would be fun if we started a program where the fans could win my belt in numerous contests. These kids didn't stand a chance!

#4- Hypnotized by Funk Babies
I enjoy doing videos featuring the Funk Babies on the Mothership, and in this video, they outsmart me during a low point in my feud with Bob O Mac.

#3- Beth O Funk Goes 2-0
I have always been surrounded by beautiful women, but convincing Bob O Mac's young bride to be my manager has always been a favorite coup of mine. Here, I train her the right way in preparation of her wrestling debut: Facing Dr. Cancer in the curtain jerker and later in our intergender 6 man tag match with Demetrya, Maskerade, and Monroe Fayte. Spolier alert! She won both matches!

#2- (TIE) Funkmaster V w/ Beth O Funk vs. Dwayne Windham (Pimp Cup Match)
I like this match because it was so silly. It had to be fun because I got a shard of Pimp Cup in my taint and I still have fond memories of it.

#2- (TIE) Funkmaster V w/ Sassy Frass vs. Beetlejuice - East Tennessee Youtube TV Title Match
If you ever need someone to handle a ghost in a wrestling ring call 1-800-FUNK MAN. I am 1-0 against them.

#1- Kiss Justin Bieber - 5 BUX
When Dwayne was my valet, I made him wear a dress, shot him out of a cannon, made him dress like me and made him drink questionable bovine fluids. But this caper here was my favorite of all! I hope you enjoyed my top 10! Say goodbye with me at EGO PRO July 14th in Delano!!!!

It's Been 5 Years of Hell on Earth
Here's Who I Need to Thank...

I would like to thank "Coast to Coast" Chris Cameron for training me. I would like to thank Billy Marshall, Jerry and Preston Tipton and Chris for trusting me to help out to help make TXW one of the coolest wrestling groups in the area... until 2012 or so, that is. I would like to thank Bob O Mac for bringing me back from the darkside, a gesture that I will never forget and on the 14th I will return the favor. I would also like to thank Beth O Funk for being a dynamite manager and beleiving in the vision of Detroit Funk City... sorry that they almost killed Bob. I would like to thank Mac MacMurray and Dave Jones for the TV show hosting and all the fun we had behind the scenes trying to shape storylines and make decent TV, videos and DVDs. Thanks to Jay Perkey for his support, friendship, and getting kicked in the junk for me by the Creatures of the Night. I would like to thank Buggy Boy for being awesome and being the subject for my first promo. I would like to thank Dwayne Windham for our excellent matches, storylines and all the "gifts" he gave me through the years. I would like to thank the Demon for being my favorite tag partner. I would like to thank the Demon, Shane Daniels, Dwayne Windham and Beth for being in the most unique and bad ass stable in this area... we even won an award for being best faction in the region: long live Detroit Funk City. I would really like to thank Barry Allen and the EGO PRO boys: Warren, Spoony, Ricky, Eddie, Tiger, Octavious, and all the rest for being my second wrestling family to me after my first one went to poopville. Thanks goes to my first wrestling family, the one that was cast aside, quit, or misused but we will remain true TXW lifers in my eyes- Maskerade, Chris Cameron, Ruff Cutt, Bobby Blassie, Bob O Mac, Billy Marshall, Shane Daniels, Dillinger, Dwayne Windham, Tsunami Kid, Jerry Lee, Donovan Daniels, Demetrya, the Forsaken Angels Guild, the Demon, Buggy Boy, Dr. Cancer, Sir Virgo, Allen Sheppard, Nick Taylor, Monroe Fayte, and Violet Adams. Thanks goes to Donovan, Nick, Bubba and Shane Daniels for giving me my most unique spot I ever had in wrestling: the Liasion of Funk at KAPOW wrestling and the OPPORTUNITY of a LIFETIME run... I wish we had more time with that... it could have ended epicly. Speaking of which, my Secretary of Sass, Sassy Frass has only been around me for 6 months or so, but man she has been an excellent entertainer, a consumate professional, beautiful eye candy, a good listener and a dear friend. Also, thanks goes to Brittany Foxx/ Crimson Waters/ Dililah Payne for doubling my pimp status. Thanks to J-Mac for his professionalism in the TXW vs SAW war, Tony Blaine for the opportunity to win his pretty blue belt, Dusty Sharp for the greatest crowd in East Tennessee at Rockwood, Jon Diamond for the TV show that no one saw, and Jagger Sterling (you know what you did). Val Dean Pouncie, Dave Jones, Dave Pillman, Mac MacMurray, Violet Adams, and anyone else who did a solid job doing commentary on my matches. I would like to thank AJ Gann for the worst winning percentage against an opponent. Thanks to all of the promoters that paid to have me wrestle for them, and to all the fans that drove to see me wrestle. I hope you all had fun... Lord knows I did.

East Tennessee Youtube TV Title Match
AKA: Cat Fight between Sassy & Crimson Waters
(STARTS AT 5 Minutes)
The Mothership Radio Show July 12th 8PM
90.3FM with DJ Drew
Funk music, wrestling talk, Funkmaster V tunes debuting!
Knoxville area

EGO PRO Friday July 14th 8PM
East Tennessee Youtube TV Title Match
vs. EGO PRO MID-SOUTH TV TiTLE Funkmaster V vs. Bob O Mac
Delano TN