Wednesday, April 7, 2010

2010's Reasonable Goals

Funk You Can Believe in

April 7th 2010
It's been awhile since I have updated the website, and it looks like the Gathering has hacked it and deleted my last update. No matter. 2010 will be my year, I have lots of goals... but I want to recap for the slow-witted Funk Nation fans. Since my last post Detroit Funk City has become a massive force in TXW: Shane Daniels has had back to back main events, Dwayne cleverly won the TXW Youtube TV Title, and me and the Demon continue to rock your dumb faces. Currently, we are all ranked in the TXW top ten according to Inside Wrestling Magazine. Beth is 2-0 as a wrestler, to boot! Lot's have happened in the last few months, that's for sure: the discovery of the Yellow Blood Mist, Beth's deepening true feelings for me, the TV show-TXW Main Event continues to rule, Detroit Funk City being accused of the disappearance of Chris Cameron, we successfully split up the Bob Squad, and the Gathering has been humilated repeatedly by our hands. Pretty good stuff. Here's my goals in 2010:

1) Start a rock-funk band with the Demon. Lots of pretty girls (dont tell Beth), cash, and the right to demand things at concerts like 698 red M&M's in a bowl. Then you have the right to lose your crap when they get it wrong.

2) Eliminate the smelly, weird, ugly Gathering from TXW. We need to hurry... just when they are on the ropes, Trojanman shows back up. Too many gross people! Ick!!!

3) Win the Ego-Pro Heavyweight Title. I'm in the Ego-Pro 16 man tournament this Saturday. Here comes the Funk Train!

4) Get my own show on NBC. I can't wait till I have a meltdown off air that gets passed around on Youtube where trolls can call me "loose cannon" and "abusive" and "probably even hotter in person!!!"

5) Marry Beth and start having Funk-Spirit babies so they can win American Idol one day. I dunno how I'll get this done with my wife's constant nay-saying.... "Your responsibilty is to us!" "You need to play with your children!" "Take your meds! It's been 6 days!"... BLAH BLAH BLAH - Women, right?

6) TXW Heavyweight Championship. I just gotta wait until Travis isn't the champ... I think my body is allergic to fighting him.

7) Start my own brand of Salsa. Paul Newman did this. He sent the proceeds to charity. My proceeds will go to paying my back child support payments...

8) Beat AJ Gann just one time...