UNDEFEATED
AND STONE ROLLIN'
FAN LOSES OPPORTUNITY OF LIFETIME
Looks like we gotz'em on the run! Since the last update, several wonderful things have taken place in my life. Including successfully defending the East Tennessee Youtube TV Title against all comers.... including the audience members of KAPOW wrestling. I took out Griffin and Tyler with my wizardry at basketballin'. This Saturday, I gotz a contest for the girls.
At EGO-PRO, Tsunami, Sassy Frass and I have fended off the Village people, aka Daddy Mack's Family, so far. I am undefeated this year, and I still have the Youtube TV Title. It has been a big ole challenge, though... I defeated a ghost at IWF, made my old rival Bob O Mac tap out at Pro Wrestling All-Stars, defeated the Money Shot Mafia's Ricky Valentine at KAPOW and Hollywood Kid at Great South Championship Wrestling, tagged with Black Tiger, slapped a man's lazy eye straight and pinned a coboy and an Indian.
Hell, this month I even hosted Sassy Frass's burlesque troop: White Lightnin' Burlesque's come back show. Man, I gotz the life. I have EGO-PRO in Etowah on Friday and KAPOW in Maryville on Saturday. Check us out! We got tons of new videos to make you happy! Oh yeah! How could I forget? Leave it to the Captain of the Funk Train to discover another beautiful young, supple, fembot that will rock the East Tennessee wrestling scene. Stay tuned for more details.
EGO PRO Friday May 25th 7PM
East Tennessee Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. Iron Bear
Etowah TN
KAPOW May 26th 7PM
East Tennessee Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. ????
Alynwick Community Center - MARYVILLE, TN
The amazing photographer, JE May, compiled this really cool poster of mostly past TXW talent and printed it off for a TXW benefit show. TXW raffled it off for a great cause at K-Mart this past weekend... I believe it was the March of Dimes, which we all know is the smallest and most intimidated of all U.S. change. Two things strike me as odd here. One is that my huge ethereal face is floating in the top left corner, everyone knows I'm not as sexy as the Demon. Secondly, I find it odd that in about six months, that at least 60% to 70% (too late to do math) of the people on this poster have severed ties with TXW for one reason or another. And all reasons are not good. Kinda funny to me... if we were all disposable and easily cast aside, why would we be included on a poster that was created to sell. It's kind of like the New York Jets coming up with a poster of all the guys they cut in the last year and they expect them to sell like hotcakes. Or is it? Oh well... wrestling is weird.
I know 6 guys canceled their last Christenberry show, I heard 5 guys no showed the K-Mart show this last weekend... Expect this trend to continue when the family is busted apart and you try to book a show full of guys who don't give a shit about TXW. One day, you will wonder where all of the "catch myself on fire, lose to a girl, wear a dress, job to spot talent, bleed out my face, set the ring up, clean out the back room, code the website, kiss a drag queen, build a stage ramp, take a tiny pay out, eat dog food" guys are and they won't be around. You've taken something special and turned it into a business. Now, get your own floating faces for your poster because I don't want my fans showing up to expect me to be there. Right now I'm turning down bookings, thanks.
FUNKMASTER V & SASSY FRASS
TAKE OVER KAPOW
BIG DADDY IS IN CHARGE!!!
I told the true believers that big things were afoot. Some people might have felt a little sorry for old Funk leaving TXW after all these years. But do not fret wrestling fans, do not fret. You see, the consortium that bought out KAPOW saw my schedule free up a wee bit and they decided to put a man who knows how to draw fans and entertain the masses in charge. As of March 2012, Funkmaster V is now the liaison of Funk, and Sassy Frass is the secretary of Sass. What does this mean? Stay tuned to find out... but if you watch the above video, find out details on how KAPOW fans can win the newly renamed EAST TENNESSEE YOUTUBE TV TITLE from my cold dead hands in various contests. Yes, you too could be a champion!!!
I would also like to thank Tsunami Kid for helping me and Sassy fend off a 5 on 2 situation at the EGO-PRO show at Rogers Creek. Conner, you have taken this too far. now its 5 on 3, we will see how you will fair now, former friend.
UPCOMING!!!!
Sweetwater Pro Wrestling April 14th 8PM
East Tennessee Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. Ricky Valntine
Luttreel Community Center - SWEETWATER TN
KAPOW April 20th & 21st 7PM
East Tennessee Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. ????
Allenwick Community Center - MARYVILLE, TN
EGO-PRO April 27th 7PM
TBA
Funkmaster V & Sassy Frass in action
LOUDON TN
FUNKMASTER V LEAVES TXW
NEW ADVENTURES AWAIT
IDES OF MARCH 2012
FROM THE MOTHERSHIP: My return to the wrestling ring this year has had it's ups and downs. It started off with a bang. I debuted a new manager, the lovely and talented dancer: Sassy Frass. At TXW in January, I defeated my #2 rival of all time, Dwayne Windham in a good match that went back and forth and thrilled the fans. My return to TXW, along with Menace and Shawn Shultz and the rest of the young lads on the show, more than doubled the crowd from the month before. I won the TXW Youtube TV Title, being only the second man to ever have done such a thing, and as many guys have said, that belt is the "most over" and coveted strap in the area.
Some folks would quickly discard this, but I finished in a heavily participated online poll that suggested that I was in the top 16 most popular wrestlers in the area. I agree with Shawn Shultz in the fact that this was something of consequence... a tool to help you gauge how you are doing in the sport. To win it is better than to lose it? Right? Right. Considering that I was gone for 8 months when this poll took place, I was happy with the result. Next, I defended the belt against Conner Cruze and made him tap at a PACKED house in Sweetwater at EGO-PRO's War Games, and again, at Knoxville's TXW, they had a bigger house when I rolled up Maskerade for the 1-2-3 in Feburary... but that's when the year started to go haywire for me. I have no idea the reason, but suddenly, several behind the scenes guys were talking behind my back or telling me to my face, tons of critiques. I was getting so much of this that they all started to contradict themselves. It would be like someone saying "don't do this" and the next guy would say "do that". Or someone would critique something that would happen in my match, and the other guy would do that exact thing in his match. Its hard to understand really what was going on behind the scenes. After thinking about it until my thinker was sore, I concluded that I was having strong matches, the shows I were booked on were drawing bigger and bigger houses, and the fans were thrilled that I was back, and really... the only thing that mattered was that the fans were enjoying my matches. So in conclusion, as J-Mac and Shawn Streets would say, "Haterz Gonna Hate". I honestly try to listen to people that blazed the trail in this sport, but sometimes I wonder if some people have a friggin' clue, no matter how long they were in the business.
No matter what people think of me as a wrestler, there is one thing I know... that in and out of a wrestling ring, I know how to entertain a crowd. I have been doing that very thing as a comedian to a musician to a disc jockey and beyond for YEARS. I could justify myself on here and expose the business like everyone else does, but I'm not going to fuel the fire. In conclusion on this, I will just say that TXW and I have parted ways amicably. They even have retired the TXW Youtube TV Title and let me keep it "out of respect" for what I did for that company... which was a ton... but I appreciate the nod and the plesant public notice they posted on Facebook. They didn't do that for other people that deserved the same courtesy, but hey... it's still was a nice gesture. TXW gave me my start in pro wrestling, and most of my favorite sport moments happened in a TXW wrestling ring. It's kind of weird to wrestle for a place for three years, take 8 months off, and then come back for 2 matches and then leave again. Its kind of like an off again on again relationship with some old tart, but when its over, its over. After thinking about this, I concluded this was a positive move for my career, too. I hadn't been pinned or submitted at TXW since my cage match with Bob O Mac back in June of 2010. I was ranked as high as #3 in PWI, and for years (probably because of the TV show) several people considered me the face of the company... but did I ever get one TXW Heavyweight Title shot at TXW? ONE? Nope. I kept getting leapfrogged by folks like Dillinger and Tsunami Kid and Bobby Blassie and Bob O Mac and Ron Sexton and so on. Would one match, one oppurtunity for me killed them? One shot at the belt? Give the old funker a damn chance? Apparently not. I was winning Heavyweight Championships here and there... but I wasn't good enough to be TXW's champion, I guess. It starts to make you think about what TXW thought of me. Did anyone listen to me during the TXW vs. SAW invasion? Nope. Everyone waited with baited breath on what Bob O Mac was going to do. I got thrown under the bus, and what happened? SAW is no more... ripped to shreds by the backstage turmoil that could have been stopped if everyone listened to me when I said you couldn't trust Shane Daniels, Dwayne Windham, and Warren Peace... all of which left TXW after it was over anyways... AND THEN BOB O MAC TURNED HIS BACK ON THE FANS!!!! Did anyone make the match I was promised: Funkmaster V vs. Bob O Mac to bring him back to sanity.... or at least whip him so bad he would come back to his senses and quit dumping on the fans? This is what I was promised when I came back... and really it was the only reason I came back to TXW was to help a old friend get Figure Four'd back to his senses. But......... nope. That changed too. Sometimes, you just wake up and realize that its time to move on. Toot Toot... the Funk Train's leaving the station.
Now, on the brightside. My relationship with EGO-PRO is stronger than it ever has been. Like TXW, I enjoy several behind the scenes friendships with many people associated with that show. But EGO-PRO has always been different. At TXW, all of us worked hard, side by side, to bring that show up to what it was. At EGO-PRO, I have always been treated with respect first, and that has always stuck out in my mind. I have never had any heat with anyone there, and for the most part, they have treated me great. Also, Sassy Frass and I have been invited to participate in a few new projects which sound cool. But, back to wrestling, many other shows in the area are interested in using my funk powers, so much so I can't do them all. In fact, I have a unique oppurtunity with one in the near future.
2012 has been a weird ride on the Funk Train so far. I have learned that at the end of the day, it comes down to you and you alone, and the people that you are dealing with on the business side of things. It doesn't matter what your friends or family or fans or fellow wrestlers think. It doesn't matter what you are told, it matters what is happening. It's all business. So, if I can't beat them... I will join them. Basically, and Aretha said it best.... it's all about respect. Stay tuned for exciting news from the Mothership that will surely pop up on some Facebook wrestling page that judges us with anonymity from afar. Now, enjoy some videos.
TXW Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. Dwayne Windham
TXW Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. Conner Cruze
EGO PRO TV 3714/12
Funkmaster V & SassyFrass Promo at 18:52
KAPOW Main Event (Funkmaster V Commentary)
UPCOMING!!!!
EGO-PRO March 18th 7PM
Knocks-Area Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. Conner Cruze
North Meigs Elementary DECATUR TN
EGO-PRO March 30th 7PM
Knocks-Area Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. ????
TBA ATHENS TN
KAPOW March 31st 7PM
Major Announcement
Funkmaster V & Sassy Frass
Alnwick Community Center MARYVILLE TN
FUNKMASTER V WINS THE
TXW YOUTUBE TV TITLE
Jan 20th 2011
Not only did I return to TXW and defeated a wiley Dwayne Windham for the TXW Youtube TV Title... I looked good doing it with my new valet, Sassy Frass from White Lightin' Burlesque. I'm thrilled being only the 2nd wrestler to repeat as this belt's champion. TXW has allowed me to defend the belt at EGO PRO this month against my old friend Conner Cruze in Sweetwater on the 28th, and if I win, I will be taking on Lance Blaze at TXW, defending the belt. I have never battled either wrestler, so this will be a tall test for me. I'll be continuing strength training this week for my upcoming match with the tiny hippie, Conner Cruze, and then gonna work on cardio and mat work for my match with big ole Lance Blaze at TXW on the 4th. Tanning and afro shaping for both. That's the funk way.
FUNKMASTER V RETURNS TO THE RING!!!
Dec 27th 2011
Short history lesson here: Funkmaster V considered Bob O Mac the only guy in the sport that put his faith, the fans, and the respect of the business above all. Recently, Bob O Mac has slipped into the darkness that can easily take good people in this sport and slowly change them for the worse and could ruin his reptation forever. Funk considers Bob his best friend, and has been highly upset by his recent behavior. Both Barry Allen at EGO-PRO and Billy Marshall at TXW has called Funk out of retirement to try to straighten out Bob O Mac and bring him back to his old self. Funk has reluctantly accepted.
TXW: Funkmaster V vs. Dwayne Windham Jan 7th 7:30PM
TXW Youtube TV Title Match
Milton Roberts Rec Center KNOXVILLE TN
EGO PRO: Funkmaster V vs. ???
More info TBA
TOP TEN MOVES OF FUNKMASTER V
Funkmaster V Returns to EGO PRO
The Dustin Currier Memorial Tournament
Nov 11th 2011
Funkmaster V may not be ready for ring action any time soon, but he has been selected to be the Special Guest Referee for the EGO PRO Dustin Currier Memorial Tournament Final Nov 12th in Sweetwater TN. The 8 man tournament, honoring the memory of a fallen fan and friend of EGO PRO Wrestling, Dustin Currier, will not only award a wrestler a Championship Trophy, the winner's purse, but also a new title to be debuted at the conclusion of the final. The combatants of the tournament include the likes of Bob O Mac, Dwayne Windham, Spoony Mack, Tsunami Kid, Dr. Cancer, Johnny Wreckless, and others.
Nov 12th 2011
Sweetwater Armory in Sweetwater TN
7:30PM $3
