Annabel Lee

Annabel Lee May 25th 2010 Not much to say right now, besides I am pretty numb. I didn't realize that the girl I was using to annoy Bob O Mac with would actually affect me this badly. Beth just won me over - I can't shake this feeling of loss. My wife thinks I'm crazy, but I just scream at her until she goes to her bedroom and starts drinking heavily. Lately I have been showing up at matches with the only two things that make me feel OK... my flannel robe and a picture of Baby Beth.. that I stole from her house. Beisdes almost killing Maskerade in the most violent match that has ever taken place, winning the EGO-PRO Tag Team Championships in their 8 team tournament, my on-air TV feud with Dave Jones, and getting ready for my Main Event cage match with Bob O Mac.... nothing much is happening.......... Ho-Hum.................

2010's Reasonable Goals

Funk You Can Believe in April 7th 2010 It's been awhile since I have updated the website, and it looks like the Gathering has hacked it and deleted my last update. No matter. 2010 will be my year, I have lots of goals... but I want to recap for the slow-witted Funk Nation fans. Since my last post Detroit Funk City has become a massive force in TXW: Shane Daniels has had back to back main events, Dwayne cleverly won the TXW Youtube TV Title, and me and the Demon continue to rock your dumb faces. Currently, we are all ranked in the TXW top ten according to Inside Wrestling Magazine. Beth is 2-0 as a wrestler, to boot! Lot's have happened in the last few months, that's for sure: the discovery of the Yellow Blood Mist, Beth's deepening true feelings for me, the TV show-TXW Main Event continues to rule, Detroit Funk City being accused of the disappearance of Chris Cameron, we successfully split up the Bob Squad, and the Gathering has been humilated repeatedly by our hands. Pretty good stuff. Here's my goals in 2010: FUNKMASTER'S REASONABLE GOALS: 2010 1) Start a rock-funk band with the Demon. Lots of pretty girls (dont tell Beth), cash, and the right to demand things at concerts like 698 red M&M's in a bowl. Then you have the right to lose your crap when they get it wrong. 2) Eliminate the smelly, weird, ugly Gathering from TXW. We need to hurry... just when they are on the ropes, Trojanman shows back up. Too many gross people! Ick!!! 3) Win the Ego-Pro Heavyweight Title. I'm in the Ego-Pro 16 man tournament this Saturday. Here comes the Funk Train! 4) Get my own show on NBC. I can't wait till I have a meltdown off air that gets passed around on Youtube where trolls can call me "loose cannon" and "abusive" and "probably even hotter in person!!!" 5) Marry Beth and start having Funk-Spirit babies so they can win American Idol one day. I dunno how I'll get this done with my wife's constant nay-saying.... "Your responsibilty is to us!" "You need to play with your children!" "Take your meds! It's been 6 days!"... BLAH BLAH BLAH - Women, right? 6) TXW Heavyweight Championship. I just gotta wait until Travis isn't the champ... I think my body is allergic to fighting him. 7) Start my own brand of Salsa. Paul Newman did this. He sent the proceeds to charity. My proceeds will go to paying my back child support payments... 8) Beat AJ Gann just one time...

Detroit Funk City is Here

Now, This is What I'm Talkin' Bout!


AUG 30th 2009
What can I say? What can I SAY? I told all of you mooks for months and months that the Lovely Beth was going to come back to me one day! I told you! And now look where she is! With me and the Demon in the best group to invade Wrestling in the last 300 years! Detroit Funk City! It didn't take much coaxing, but Beth O Mac is now going by Beth O Funk, dressing a little bit fancier, caring less about the dumb wrestling fans, and I must say, bringing back the Funk-vibe like it's 1972 all over again. My wife and kids haven't been happier! Beth makes great brownies, cleans the house better than my wife, and knows dozens of knock knock jokes. Life is peachy!

And also, why win the Tag Team Belts.... when you can steal them? I have cost Bob O Mac everything in wrestling.... his wife, his ribs, his belts, his clean reputation... blah blah blah. Time to retire, greenie! Do it before I hurt you worse! Watch this video, Bob! It's over 4 u! Believe in the Funk!!!



The TV show is still strong, and we are still on Thursday nights. THURSDAYS, IDIOTS. 

At Least I Have a Nice Butt

At Least I Have a Nice Butt


June 27th 2009
Well, this has been one of the worst months in my life. After crushing the rookie Dwayne Windham with ease, TXW felt inclined to fire my friend, the Commissioner Billy Marshall from a power position that he has held for over a year and assign the responsibilty of that position to that nerd, rouge, hill billy David Branson. He then illegally stripped me and Team Ruff Cutt of their titles, and I cry foul. My team of lawyers are still looking into it. The show on July 18th is illegal, too. There is no way that 12 people should scramble for what is rightfully mine. I took it hard.... real hard.... watch my meltdown...

TXW Wrestling: The Reverend concerned for Funkmaster V


Regardless... the TV show is still strong, and we are moving to Thursday nights. THURSDAYS, IDIOTS. 

Still the Champ!

Still the Champ! June 2nd 2009 I told you that I would vanquish the Buggy Boy, and I did. Confusing him with logic and exposing him to emotional distress by attacking his shopping cart with a hacksaw proved to be invaluble, as the time limit draw with a 400 pound man is a win in my book any day of the week. I can't wait to do the TV show tomorrow either. Nothing feels as good as telling thousands of numbskulls, "I told you to believe in tha Funk!" Watch out for me at Big Mama's where I will be singing a Funk classic at the TXW vs. APWA vs. UWA event... and if someone gets salty enough, they may get sme-smashed!

I'm the Champ, Jerk-faces!!!

I'm the Champ, Jerk-faces!!!!!!! It was always how I pictured it: Confusion, embarrassment, agony, being hit with my own expensive shoes, whipped with a belt, and boo'd. But yet, I made the Mothership proud by defeating the amazing Billy Marshall in 9 seconds... the fastest match in TXW history. Sure..... I had to bribe the champ with a sweaty envelope full of cash that I stole from relatives... the 1...2...3 was a sweet as baby's milk. Um.... mother's milk. Yuck! That's gross! I was bottlefed! Anyway, the Television face of TXW now has the TXW Youtube TV Title. How delightfully beautiful. I love it more than my own mother. You better jump on board the Soul Train, ya'll... 'cause the Funk Nation takes no prisioners! Slide, Slide Slippity Slide... to the land of funk, to the land of funk, to the land of.... you've quit reading, haven't you?