FUNKMASTER V
IN A BOARD GAME!!!
So you are a wrestler, huh? Have you ever been included in a board game? Here is the brand new Funkmaster V Heroscape card. Weep quietly, you know this cool. Personally, I think I should have more attack... I HAVE been working out and consuming only tuna fish and root beer again, but oh well... I'll take it. At least I'm not like Bob O Mac. The Bob O Mac card has a +2 whiny stat.
FUNK & DJ DREW
MOTHERSHIP RADIO SHOW
Two hour radio show featuring Funkmaster V and his PYT talking about his last match at EGO PRO with Bob O Mac, White Lightnin' Burlesque, and an interview with Ivan Neville of Dumpstaphunk. There's tons of great music on this link, from the Bar-Kays to Roger and Zapp, golden-era Hip Hop and even a Funkmaster V unreleased tune. If you are cleaning the living room today, press play and be soothed by the Funk.
Top Ten Wrestling Moments
Caught on Tape
On What Happened this Weekend...
I'm posting my favorite ten wrestling moments in a moment, but first I need to address what is happening in my career. If you have been on my facebook account, you have heard that the Mothership is calling me home after ten years of service of promoting Funk Music through music and professional wrestling. I was scheduled to have a goodbye match with Bob O Mac on June 30th at EGO-PRO, but he decided to screw the fans and no-show like the coward he has turned into. I liked beating his manager Warren Peace like a drum, but I'm not leaving East Tennessee beating a binge-drinking 25 pound manager who chain smokes. Mac MacMurray and Barry Allen have decided to force Bob to face me on July 14th, which really will be my last match, in Delano TN. East Tennessee Youtube TV Title vs. EGO-PRO Mid-South TV Title.
EGO PRO HYPE VIDEO: Funkmaster V vs. Bob O Mac
Title for Title- The Rivalry Ends
On What Didn't Make the Top Ten List
For the fans that enjoy what I do and to my wrestling buddies and enemies that have helped shape my East Tennessee wrestling career, I'm listing my Top Ten Wrestling Moments caught on tape. Many great moments are not on video... which sucks. Detroit Funk City's best tag match was probably against the Shenanigans at TXW at Christmas Chaos, but the footage was destroyed. Also, Detroit Funk City vs. Street Dreams at SAW during the SAW - TXW war was incredible, the 300+ crowd was split 50/50, and it felt like someone was going to die that night- BUT I dont have the footage for that. In 2010, I won the fan voted match of the year at TXW: Detroit Funk City vs. The Gathering in the Four Corners of Death (the Maskerade on fire match). That was incredible but too long for Youtube. Additionally, I got the fan voted runner up match of the year in 2010 with my cage match with Bob O Mac, which at the time, was too long for Youtube as well. Then there was the Detroit Funk City's EGO PRO Tag team tournament march, me vs. Bob O Mac at Pro Wrestling All-Stars, me winning the Nitro Wrestling Title victory vs. Tony Blaine and 3 McCains, and tons more that couldn't make the list due to the fact that they aren't on Youtube.
FUNKMASTER V's TOP TEN
WRESTLING MOMENTS CAUGHT ON TAPE!
#10- Funkmaster V vs. Dirty Harry Sanchez
I like wrestling because I like kicking people's butts. And I REALLY love kicking skinny people's butts. Here is a video where I maim a kids legs with the figure four leg lock and almost heal a man with a broken neck: The duality of man... am I right?
#9- The Yellow Blood Mist Incident
Back when I didn't care to bend the rules, I would try anything to win. Detroit Funk City was chasing the TXW tag belts when I stumbled onto a strange book at the library. The rest, they say... is history.
#8- The Trial
I've retired more than Terry Funk. But my last return was the most interesting because the Mothership employes children as lawyers and judges, and the day before Christmas they summoned me to court to force me back into the business again. I hate court, but these Funk babies are cute...
#7- Funkmaster V w/ Sassy Frass vs. Conner Cruze w/ Daddy Mack at War Games- TXW Youtube TV Tite Match
Big crowd, big win, and Sassy Frass makes a big impact in the sport of wrestling.
#6- Are You Smarter than a Second Grader???
A big part of why people know Funkmaster V in this area is because of the years that I hosted TXW Main Event TV. Call in television is probably the worst television in history- but at least here I'm with my adorable daughter and she's kicking everyone's rear ends in general knowledge trivia.
#5- KAPOW'S Fan Opportunity of a Lifetime
In 2012, I was selected as Liaison of Funk at KAPOW. This means I ran the show, and I thought it would be fun if we started a program where the fans could win my belt in numerous contests. These kids didn't stand a chance!
#4- Hypnotized by Funk Babies
I enjoy doing videos featuring the Funk Babies on the Mothership, and in this video, they outsmart me during a low point in my feud with Bob O Mac.
#3- Beth O Funk Goes 2-0
I have always been surrounded by beautiful women, but convincing Bob O Mac's young bride to be my manager has always been a favorite coup of mine. Here, I train her the right way in preparation of her wrestling debut: Facing Dr. Cancer in the curtain jerker and later in our intergender 6 man tag match with Demetrya, Maskerade, and Monroe Fayte. Spolier alert! She won both matches!
#2- (TIE) Funkmaster V w/ Beth O Funk vs. Dwayne Windham (Pimp Cup Match)
I like this match because it was so silly. It had to be fun because I got a shard of Pimp Cup in my taint and I still have fond memories of it.
#2- (TIE) Funkmaster V w/ Sassy Frass vs. Beetlejuice - East Tennessee Youtube TV Title Match
If you ever need someone to handle a ghost in a wrestling ring call 1-800-FUNK MAN. I am 1-0 against them.
#1- Kiss Justin Bieber - 5 BUX
When Dwayne was my valet, I made him wear a dress, shot him out of a cannon, made him dress like me and made him drink questionable bovine fluids. But this caper here was my favorite of all! I hope you enjoyed my top 10! Say goodbye with me at EGO PRO July 14th in Delano!!!!
It's Been 5 Years of Hell on Earth
Here's Who I Need to Thank...
I would like to thank "Coast to Coast" Chris Cameron for training me. I would like to thank Billy Marshall, Jerry and Preston Tipton and Chris for trusting me to help out to help make TXW one of the coolest wrestling groups in the area... until 2012 or so, that is. I would like to thank Bob O Mac for bringing me back from the darkside, a gesture that I will never forget and on the 14th I will return the favor. I would also like to thank Beth O Funk for being a dynamite manager and beleiving in the vision of Detroit Funk City... sorry that they almost killed Bob. I would like to thank Mac MacMurray and Dave Jones for the TV show hosting and all the fun we had behind the scenes trying to shape storylines and make decent TV, videos and DVDs. Thanks to Jay Perkey for his support, friendship, and getting kicked in the junk for me by the Creatures of the Night. I would like to thank Buggy Boy for being awesome and being the subject for my first promo. I would like to thank Dwayne Windham for our excellent matches, storylines and all the "gifts" he gave me through the years. I would like to thank the Demon for being my favorite tag partner. I would like to thank the Demon, Shane Daniels, Dwayne Windham and Beth for being in the most unique and bad ass stable in this area... we even won an award for being best faction in the region: long live Detroit Funk City. I would really like to thank Barry Allen and the EGO PRO boys: Warren, Spoony, Ricky, Eddie, Tiger, Octavious, and all the rest for being my second wrestling family to me after my first one went to poopville. Thanks goes to my first wrestling family, the one that was cast aside, quit, or misused but we will remain true TXW lifers in my eyes- Maskerade, Chris Cameron, Ruff Cutt, Bobby Blassie, Bob O Mac, Billy Marshall, Shane Daniels, Dillinger, Dwayne Windham, Tsunami Kid, Jerry Lee, Donovan Daniels, Demetrya, the Forsaken Angels Guild, the Demon, Buggy Boy, Dr. Cancer, Sir Virgo, Allen Sheppard, Nick Taylor, Monroe Fayte, and Violet Adams. Thanks goes to Donovan, Nick, Bubba and Shane Daniels for giving me my most unique spot I ever had in wrestling: the Liasion of Funk at KAPOW wrestling and the OPPORTUNITY of a LIFETIME run... I wish we had more time with that... it could have ended epicly. Speaking of which, my Secretary of Sass, Sassy Frass has only been around me for 6 months or so, but man she has been an excellent entertainer, a consumate professional, beautiful eye candy, a good listener and a dear friend. Also, thanks goes to Brittany Foxx/ Crimson Waters/ Dililah Payne for doubling my pimp status. Thanks to J-Mac for his professionalism in the TXW vs SAW war, Tony Blaine for the opportunity to win his pretty blue belt, Dusty Sharp for the greatest crowd in East Tennessee at Rockwood, Jon Diamond for the TV show that no one saw, and Jagger Sterling (you know what you did). Val Dean Pouncie, Dave Jones, Dave Pillman, Mac MacMurray, Violet Adams, and anyone else who did a solid job doing commentary on my matches. I would like to thank AJ Gann for the worst winning percentage against an opponent. Thanks to all of the promoters that paid to have me wrestle for them, and to all the fans that drove to see me wrestle. I hope you all had fun... Lord knows I did.
FUNKMASTER V vs. IRON BEAR
East Tennessee Youtube TV Title Match
AKA: Cat Fight between Sassy & Crimson Waters
(STARTS AT 5 Minutes)
UPCOMING!!!!
The Mothership Radio Show July 12th 8PM
90.3FM with DJ Drew
Funk music, wrestling talk, Funkmaster V tunes debuting!
Knoxville area
EGO PRO Friday July 14th 8PM
East Tennessee Youtube TV Title Match
vs. EGO PRO MID-SOUTH TV TiTLE Funkmaster V vs. Bob O Mac
Delano TN
UNDEFEATED
AND STONE ROLLIN'
FAN LOSES OPPORTUNITY OF LIFETIME
Looks like we gotz'em on the run! Since the last update, several wonderful things have taken place in my life. Including successfully defending the East Tennessee Youtube TV Title against all comers.... including the audience members of KAPOW wrestling. I took out Griffin and Tyler with my wizardry at basketballin'. This Saturday, I gotz a contest for the girls.
At EGO-PRO, Tsunami, Sassy Frass and I have fended off the Village people, aka Daddy Mack's Family, so far. I am undefeated this year, and I still have the Youtube TV Title. It has been a big ole challenge, though... I defeated a ghost at IWF, made my old rival Bob O Mac tap out at Pro Wrestling All-Stars, defeated the Money Shot Mafia's Ricky Valentine at KAPOW and Hollywood Kid at Great South Championship Wrestling, tagged with Black Tiger, slapped a man's lazy eye straight and pinned a coboy and an Indian.
Hell, this month I even hosted Sassy Frass's burlesque troop: White Lightnin' Burlesque's come back show. Man, I gotz the life. I have EGO-PRO in Etowah on Friday and KAPOW in Maryville on Saturday. Check us out! We got tons of new videos to make you happy! Oh yeah! How could I forget? Leave it to the Captain of the Funk Train to discover another beautiful young, supple, fembot that will rock the East Tennessee wrestling scene. Stay tuned for more details.
EGO PRO Friday May 25th 7PM
East Tennessee Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. Iron Bear
Etowah TN
KAPOW May 26th 7PM
East Tennessee Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. ????
Alynwick Community Center - MARYVILLE, TN
The amazing photographer, JE May, compiled this really cool poster of mostly past TXW talent and printed it off for a TXW benefit show. TXW raffled it off for a great cause at K-Mart this past weekend... I believe it was the March of Dimes, which we all know is the smallest and most intimidated of all U.S. change. Two things strike me as odd here. One is that my huge ethereal face is floating in the top left corner, everyone knows I'm not as sexy as the Demon. Secondly, I find it odd that in about six months, that at least 60% to 70% (too late to do math) of the people on this poster have severed ties with TXW for one reason or another. And all reasons are not good. Kinda funny to me... if we were all disposable and easily cast aside, why would we be included on a poster that was created to sell. It's kind of like the New York Jets coming up with a poster of all the guys they cut in the last year and they expect them to sell like hotcakes. Or is it? Oh well... wrestling is weird.
I know 6 guys canceled their last Christenberry show, I heard 5 guys no showed the K-Mart show this last weekend... Expect this trend to continue when the family is busted apart and you try to book a show full of guys who don't give a shit about TXW. One day, you will wonder where all of the "catch myself on fire, lose to a girl, wear a dress, job to spot talent, bleed out my face, set the ring up, clean out the back room, code the website, kiss a drag queen, build a stage ramp, take a tiny pay out, eat dog food" guys are and they won't be around. You've taken something special and turned it into a business. Now, get your own floating faces for your poster because I don't want my fans showing up to expect me to be there. Right now I'm turning down bookings, thanks.
FUNKMASTER V & SASSY FRASS
TAKE OVER KAPOW
BIG DADDY IS IN CHARGE!!!
I told the true believers that big things were afoot. Some people might have felt a little sorry for old Funk leaving TXW after all these years. But do not fret wrestling fans, do not fret. You see, the consortium that bought out KAPOW saw my schedule free up a wee bit and they decided to put a man who knows how to draw fans and entertain the masses in charge. As of March 2012, Funkmaster V is now the liaison of Funk, and Sassy Frass is the secretary of Sass. What does this mean? Stay tuned to find out... but if you watch the above video, find out details on how KAPOW fans can win the newly renamed EAST TENNESSEE YOUTUBE TV TITLE from my cold dead hands in various contests. Yes, you too could be a champion!!!
I would also like to thank Tsunami Kid for helping me and Sassy fend off a 5 on 2 situation at the EGO-PRO show at Rogers Creek. Conner, you have taken this too far. now its 5 on 3, we will see how you will fair now, former friend.
UPCOMING!!!!
Sweetwater Pro Wrestling April 14th 8PM
East Tennessee Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. Ricky Valntine
Luttreel Community Center - SWEETWATER TN
KAPOW April 20th & 21st 7PM
East Tennessee Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. ????
Allenwick Community Center - MARYVILLE, TN
EGO-PRO April 27th 7PM
TBA
Funkmaster V & Sassy Frass in action
LOUDON TN
FUNKMASTER V LEAVES TXW
NEW ADVENTURES AWAIT
IDES OF MARCH 2012
FROM THE MOTHERSHIP: My return to the wrestling ring this year has had it's ups and downs. It started off with a bang. I debuted a new manager, the lovely and talented dancer: Sassy Frass. At TXW in January, I defeated my #2 rival of all time, Dwayne Windham in a good match that went back and forth and thrilled the fans. My return to TXW, along with Menace and Shawn Shultz and the rest of the young lads on the show, more than doubled the crowd from the month before. I won the TXW Youtube TV Title, being only the second man to ever have done such a thing, and as many guys have said, that belt is the "most over" and coveted strap in the area.
Some folks would quickly discard this, but I finished in a heavily participated online poll that suggested that I was in the top 16 most popular wrestlers in the area. I agree with Shawn Shultz in the fact that this was something of consequence... a tool to help you gauge how you are doing in the sport. To win it is better than to lose it? Right? Right. Considering that I was gone for 8 months when this poll took place, I was happy with the result. Next, I defended the belt against Conner Cruze and made him tap at a PACKED house in Sweetwater at EGO-PRO's War Games, and again, at Knoxville's TXW, they had a bigger house when I rolled up Maskerade for the 1-2-3 in Feburary... but that's when the year started to go haywire for me. I have no idea the reason, but suddenly, several behind the scenes guys were talking behind my back or telling me to my face, tons of critiques. I was getting so much of this that they all started to contradict themselves. It would be like someone saying "don't do this" and the next guy would say "do that". Or someone would critique something that would happen in my match, and the other guy would do that exact thing in his match. Its hard to understand really what was going on behind the scenes. After thinking about it until my thinker was sore, I concluded that I was having strong matches, the shows I were booked on were drawing bigger and bigger houses, and the fans were thrilled that I was back, and really... the only thing that mattered was that the fans were enjoying my matches. So in conclusion, as J-Mac and Shawn Streets would say, "Haterz Gonna Hate". I honestly try to listen to people that blazed the trail in this sport, but sometimes I wonder if some people have a friggin' clue, no matter how long they were in the business.
No matter what people think of me as a wrestler, there is one thing I know... that in and out of a wrestling ring, I know how to entertain a crowd. I have been doing that very thing as a comedian to a musician to a disc jockey and beyond for YEARS. I could justify myself on here and expose the business like everyone else does, but I'm not going to fuel the fire. In conclusion on this, I will just say that TXW and I have parted ways amicably. They even have retired the TXW Youtube TV Title and let me keep it "out of respect" for what I did for that company... which was a ton... but I appreciate the nod and the plesant public notice they posted on Facebook. They didn't do that for other people that deserved the same courtesy, but hey... it's still was a nice gesture. TXW gave me my start in pro wrestling, and most of my favorite sport moments happened in a TXW wrestling ring. It's kind of weird to wrestle for a place for three years, take 8 months off, and then come back for 2 matches and then leave again. Its kind of like an off again on again relationship with some old tart, but when its over, its over. After thinking about this, I concluded this was a positive move for my career, too. I hadn't been pinned or submitted at TXW since my cage match with Bob O Mac back in June of 2010. I was ranked as high as #3 in PWI, and for years (probably because of the TV show) several people considered me the face of the company... but did I ever get one TXW Heavyweight Title shot at TXW? ONE? Nope. I kept getting leapfrogged by folks like Dillinger and Tsunami Kid and Bobby Blassie and Bob O Mac and Ron Sexton and so on. Would one match, one oppurtunity for me killed them? One shot at the belt? Give the old funker a damn chance? Apparently not. I was winning Heavyweight Championships here and there... but I wasn't good enough to be TXW's champion, I guess. It starts to make you think about what TXW thought of me. Did anyone listen to me during the TXW vs. SAW invasion? Nope. Everyone waited with baited breath on what Bob O Mac was going to do. I got thrown under the bus, and what happened? SAW is no more... ripped to shreds by the backstage turmoil that could have been stopped if everyone listened to me when I said you couldn't trust Shane Daniels, Dwayne Windham, and Warren Peace... all of which left TXW after it was over anyways... AND THEN BOB O MAC TURNED HIS BACK ON THE FANS!!!! Did anyone make the match I was promised: Funkmaster V vs. Bob O Mac to bring him back to sanity.... or at least whip him so bad he would come back to his senses and quit dumping on the fans? This is what I was promised when I came back... and really it was the only reason I came back to TXW was to help a old friend get Figure Four'd back to his senses. But......... nope. That changed too. Sometimes, you just wake up and realize that its time to move on. Toot Toot... the Funk Train's leaving the station.
Now, on the brightside. My relationship with EGO-PRO is stronger than it ever has been. Like TXW, I enjoy several behind the scenes friendships with many people associated with that show. But EGO-PRO has always been different. At TXW, all of us worked hard, side by side, to bring that show up to what it was. At EGO-PRO, I have always been treated with respect first, and that has always stuck out in my mind. I have never had any heat with anyone there, and for the most part, they have treated me great. Also, Sassy Frass and I have been invited to participate in a few new projects which sound cool. But, back to wrestling, many other shows in the area are interested in using my funk powers, so much so I can't do them all. In fact, I have a unique oppurtunity with one in the near future.
2012 has been a weird ride on the Funk Train so far. I have learned that at the end of the day, it comes down to you and you alone, and the people that you are dealing with on the business side of things. It doesn't matter what your friends or family or fans or fellow wrestlers think. It doesn't matter what you are told, it matters what is happening. It's all business. So, if I can't beat them... I will join them. Basically, and Aretha said it best.... it's all about respect. Stay tuned for exciting news from the Mothership that will surely pop up on some Facebook wrestling page that judges us with anonymity from afar. Now, enjoy some videos.
TXW Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. Dwayne Windham
TXW Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. Conner Cruze
EGO PRO TV 3714/12
Funkmaster V & SassyFrass Promo at 18:52
KAPOW Main Event (Funkmaster V Commentary)
UPCOMING!!!!
EGO-PRO March 18th 7PM
Knocks-Area Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. Conner Cruze
North Meigs Elementary DECATUR TN
EGO-PRO March 30th 7PM
Knocks-Area Youtube TV Title Match
Funkmaster V vs. ????
TBA ATHENS TN
KAPOW March 31st 7PM
Major Announcement
Funkmaster V & Sassy Frass
Alnwick Community Center MARYVILLE TN
